I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
