She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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