Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize