don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
