he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
