nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she told me i tasted like america
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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