I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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