are you still at the devil's house?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
