He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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