be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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