omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
