youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
