I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
