my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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