you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
being pregnant is like rehab
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
