After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
