And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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