I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
