The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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