Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
