it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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