Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize