he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we're so committed to being not committed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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