So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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