a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
