Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know her cup size but not her name....
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