no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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