I bet he comes in French.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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