I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
