Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this just has baby written all over it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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