Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
