I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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