Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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