he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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