everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
