she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
