onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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