he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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