other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
