My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
