Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
