you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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