My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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