can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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