K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
