I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
