I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
