tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
