I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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