She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
