We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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