just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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