Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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