see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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