I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
