It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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