there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
