Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
