so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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