Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
