I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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