Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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