no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
