We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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