Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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