Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my liver is dry heaving
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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