I'm lost and stupid without you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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